We are on day 3 of no naps on purpose.
I can't tell if it is a good decision or a mistake. Yes they are in bed asleep by 8pm which is something that has not happened for about 5 months. There is less fighting, less threatening them to be quiet and go to sleep or they would lose a privilege or a toy or all their blankets (we were desperate). There is less of a struggle to get them to do each step of the bedtime routine. They go straight to sleep without talking, without the endless requests for rocking or water or me sitting on the sofa.
But there are also two fewer hours during the daylight for me to do what I need to do without disaster ensuing because I am not paying complete attention to both girls. Our house is a WRECK. It is always cluttered but without the quick pickup I do every day while they nap, it is really really bad. And since me picking up anything while they are awake and inside is an automatic cue for them to take out and play with that exact item I just put away, I have sort of given up. I try to pick things up in secret, but then I look up at the clock and lunch is late because all I have been doing since breakfast is trying to pick things up and put them away without them noticing.
I also sort of miss their little negotiating and requesting me to rock them. I feel like they are growing up. All of a sudden they don't take naps anymore? I thought this would happen when they were 5. I liked hearing their little conversations over the monitor. They were supposed to be sleeping, but it was quite entertaining to hear the stream of consciousness spewing out of them in the pitch black dark of their room.
The dog, who usually naps in their room with them while they nap, or who gets a quick ten minutes of ball throwing in the yard while they nap is beside himself. He peed on the floor when my sister came over- something he has not done in months.
I feel the same way. It is 8pm, I have the whole night to myself to do whatever I want. But for the third night in a row all I want to do is curl up in the fetal position and sleep for the rest of the night. I am usually a night owl, but I am beyond tired. A solid 13 hours of occupying two three-year-olds with no break is suddenly seeming impossible. Throw in the dog and David's travel schedule which is picking up again, and I might just pee on the floor myself!
To Do: Find someone who can train my kids to pick up the clutter and exercise the dog while I nap. I don't even mind if they catch up on emails or read quietly when they are done. Bonus if they could print out a new recipe for dinner and plan the afternoon errands. Is there a Cesar Milan for toddlers?
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Picture of Your Loins
I was sitting at my computer trying to quickly return a few emails before my girls noticed I was out of the room when Katie came in, climbed on my lap and asked, "Can I see that picture of your loins?"
I had no idea what she meant so I asked for clarification.
"That picture of your loins with the man and woman with snakes on their bodies."
Oh- I got it- NEW ORLEANS. Not my loins.
Her grandparents are in New Orleans and sent us a picture of a man and woman with snakes wrapped around them. I showed it to her yesterday on my computer and she wanted to see it again.
Then she wanted a second look at "Bub wearing Marnigron Beads."
I had no idea what she meant so I asked for clarification.
"That picture of your loins with the man and woman with snakes on their bodies."
Oh- I got it- NEW ORLEANS. Not my loins.
Her grandparents are in New Orleans and sent us a picture of a man and woman with snakes wrapped around them. I showed it to her yesterday on my computer and she wanted to see it again.
Then she wanted a second look at "Bub wearing Marnigron Beads."
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Happy Valentine's Day
I have never been really into this holiday in the traditional way but I do have some happy and wild Valentine memories.
We got our first family pet, a gray and white cat, near Valentine's Day so we named her Valentine.
Before that though I remember my mom calling me into her room one night before bed and on the back of her toilet was perched two clear plastic heart containers with red-hot hearts inside. My name was written in gold marker on one of the plastic hearts. I remember being so surprised by this- where did they get a gold marker that would write on plastic? How did the box maker know my name? Did they make one for every name? I remember feeling so special that my sister Maggie and I got a valentine. Funny what sticks in your mind.
I remember when my boyfriend, now my husband, gave me a beautiful gold heart necklace for Valentine's Day. We never made a big deal of it- never went to big dinners, always just kept it low-key. When he gave me his card, I thought that was it and then he pulled out a little box. The look of pride and excitement and love on his face was the real gift. The necklace serves as an eternal reminder of that look.
When he was in grad school at Syracuse I flew out to surprise him for Valentine's Day. It was a big gesture. Long distance had been hard on our relationship as was the fact that I was working in the corporate world and he was still a student. I emailed one of his closest friends at school and coordinated a pick-up at the airport. It was Syracuse, New York in mid February and I had grown up in Arizona and California. I didn't own a winter coat! I borrowed what I needed and rang his doorbell at 10pm. He came out to the foyer in pajamas and looked at me as if I were a total stranger. His friend later admitted that for a split-second he was worried that I was not David's girlfriend after all, just some crazy stalker whom he brought directly to David's house at 10:00 at night! When he realized that I was actually there, in person to surprise him, the look of recognition and excitement that finally registered on his face was worth it all. It snowed the whole time I was there. But I finally felt like I knew where he was and what he was doing all day.
When we were newly married, I believe our second Valentine's Day as husband and wife, we were invited to dinner by one of the first major player's agents in baseball. This man was so interesting and had had his phones bugged by baseball owners trying to get the best deal on players he represented. He never gave out his information, barely ever left voicemails, paid for everything in cash. He invited us to dinner and then remembered that he had agreed to watch his nephew's hockey game in a town 45 minutes away. The day of, he moved our dinner to that town on Valentine's night. We were intrigued so we made the drive. He met us, had cocktails and appetizers with us, then ordered us the full romantic menu for dinner and left for the hockey game. He came back and had dessert with us and continued our conversation for another hour before we all had to drive back to our town. Wild!
The next year we had just moved back to California. My parents' house had just burned down the autumn before. I had just started a new job. We were invited by extended family to spend the weekend at Augusta National Golf Course. Not being a golfer I did not understand the magnitude of this invitation. I knew Augusta as a place that excluded women and minorities. I was not ready to ask for time off from a new job to go there. My patient husband basically ignored my protests and was nice enough not to tell me how ridiculous I was being. When I told my boss why I would need a few days off, he practically drove us to the airport himself. We got to Georgia and spent Valentine's night at a lovely dinner at Peachtree country club. Our time at Augusta was one of the most relaxing and restorative weekends of my entire life. All of the stress of the fire, the move, the new job melted away. The food and company were divine. The shower in that place was the best shower I have ever been in! I don't know if I will ever make it to Augusta again, but it was an experience I will never forget.
The last Valentine's Day that I really remember was three years ago when my daughters were exactly 2 months old. Our friend David Lee came over and brought us dinner. Right as we were eating it, the power went out on our block! I had to breastfeed by candle light. My David sat with me on the bed ready to help and our friend sat outside the room on the top step shining a wind-up flashlight in our direction just to add to the light. It took an hour to feed our girls and the power never came back on. It is a true friend who will bring you dinner on Valentine's Day and then sit in the dark for an hour to keep you company while winding up a flashlight.
Today our girls told us over and over that they were not our valentines because they are not cards shaped like hearts. They loved their cards and candy from their grandmothers and their cousin Maya. D made a nice steak dinner and we ate as a family. Doesn't get much better than that!
We got our first family pet, a gray and white cat, near Valentine's Day so we named her Valentine.
Before that though I remember my mom calling me into her room one night before bed and on the back of her toilet was perched two clear plastic heart containers with red-hot hearts inside. My name was written in gold marker on one of the plastic hearts. I remember being so surprised by this- where did they get a gold marker that would write on plastic? How did the box maker know my name? Did they make one for every name? I remember feeling so special that my sister Maggie and I got a valentine. Funny what sticks in your mind.
I remember when my boyfriend, now my husband, gave me a beautiful gold heart necklace for Valentine's Day. We never made a big deal of it- never went to big dinners, always just kept it low-key. When he gave me his card, I thought that was it and then he pulled out a little box. The look of pride and excitement and love on his face was the real gift. The necklace serves as an eternal reminder of that look.
When he was in grad school at Syracuse I flew out to surprise him for Valentine's Day. It was a big gesture. Long distance had been hard on our relationship as was the fact that I was working in the corporate world and he was still a student. I emailed one of his closest friends at school and coordinated a pick-up at the airport. It was Syracuse, New York in mid February and I had grown up in Arizona and California. I didn't own a winter coat! I borrowed what I needed and rang his doorbell at 10pm. He came out to the foyer in pajamas and looked at me as if I were a total stranger. His friend later admitted that for a split-second he was worried that I was not David's girlfriend after all, just some crazy stalker whom he brought directly to David's house at 10:00 at night! When he realized that I was actually there, in person to surprise him, the look of recognition and excitement that finally registered on his face was worth it all. It snowed the whole time I was there. But I finally felt like I knew where he was and what he was doing all day.
When we were newly married, I believe our second Valentine's Day as husband and wife, we were invited to dinner by one of the first major player's agents in baseball. This man was so interesting and had had his phones bugged by baseball owners trying to get the best deal on players he represented. He never gave out his information, barely ever left voicemails, paid for everything in cash. He invited us to dinner and then remembered that he had agreed to watch his nephew's hockey game in a town 45 minutes away. The day of, he moved our dinner to that town on Valentine's night. We were intrigued so we made the drive. He met us, had cocktails and appetizers with us, then ordered us the full romantic menu for dinner and left for the hockey game. He came back and had dessert with us and continued our conversation for another hour before we all had to drive back to our town. Wild!
The next year we had just moved back to California. My parents' house had just burned down the autumn before. I had just started a new job. We were invited by extended family to spend the weekend at Augusta National Golf Course. Not being a golfer I did not understand the magnitude of this invitation. I knew Augusta as a place that excluded women and minorities. I was not ready to ask for time off from a new job to go there. My patient husband basically ignored my protests and was nice enough not to tell me how ridiculous I was being. When I told my boss why I would need a few days off, he practically drove us to the airport himself. We got to Georgia and spent Valentine's night at a lovely dinner at Peachtree country club. Our time at Augusta was one of the most relaxing and restorative weekends of my entire life. All of the stress of the fire, the move, the new job melted away. The food and company were divine. The shower in that place was the best shower I have ever been in! I don't know if I will ever make it to Augusta again, but it was an experience I will never forget.
The last Valentine's Day that I really remember was three years ago when my daughters were exactly 2 months old. Our friend David Lee came over and brought us dinner. Right as we were eating it, the power went out on our block! I had to breastfeed by candle light. My David sat with me on the bed ready to help and our friend sat outside the room on the top step shining a wind-up flashlight in our direction just to add to the light. It took an hour to feed our girls and the power never came back on. It is a true friend who will bring you dinner on Valentine's Day and then sit in the dark for an hour to keep you company while winding up a flashlight.
Today our girls told us over and over that they were not our valentines because they are not cards shaped like hearts. They loved their cards and candy from their grandmothers and their cousin Maya. D made a nice steak dinner and we ate as a family. Doesn't get much better than that!
Friday, February 6, 2009
My Aunt Julie
My Aunt Julie turned the big FOUR-OH today and I have been thinking about her all day. My throat is sore and I have not had much time to talk on the phone so I didn't get to call her, but I thought I would attempt the impossible- to put into words how much she means to me.
I will find a picture of us to put up here but until I do I should probably start by describing the pictures I have in my mind when I think about Julie. I think about long skinny brown legs in short 70's and 80's style shorts with cotton tank tops. She grew up in Arizona and Oklahoma, two places with hot summers. She always played outside with me for as long as I wanted when I was little- doing gymnastics in the grass, making mud pies in the side yard of my grandparents' house, roller skating in the driveway, eating popsicles and watermelon in our swimsuits, playing in the sprinklers until our hands and feet were prunes.
I think about how she shared everything with me. I mean everything. When I went to her room, she let me touch and try on and use everything. I remember the posters up on her wall- of Duran Duran and Prince. I remember her lip gloss in a metal tin where the top slid off. I could never do it myself because I already had slick lip gloss on my hands and I always insisted on closing the tin and then she had to help me open it again. I wouldn't be surprised if I asked her to do this 80 times a day and she did it every time for me. I remember her tapes and her boom box and I was always taking out tapes and putting them in. She never told me to leave her stuff alone. She always played me whatever I wanted to hear even if it was the same song over and over. She let me play with all her toys, draw with all her markers, put on all her jewelry, sleep in her bed. I probably ruined everything she ever had and she never got mad at me. She always was looking for new things to share with me and ways to occupy me.
I remember the smell of her lotion and the way her long fingers always grabbed my wrist and forearm tightly. I remember her laugh. Everyone in our family laughs so loud and deep and booming and she does too, but it is the greatest sound. She is so funny and can make everyone around her recite words or phrases that she makes funny with her inflection. Stuff that you just can't explain in written words- you just have to hear the sound for it to be funny. When Julie says it three times everyone around her begins to say it over and over too- and she laughs every time and then says it herself the original most funny way.
Julie moved to Oklahoma when she was a teenager. That must have been really hard for her to move to a tiny town away from all her friends. She was still the same generous selfless person whenever we visited. She was at an age when she probably thought it was so lame to spend a month of her summer with kids 8 and 11 and more years younger than she, but she never made us feel like a burden. She took us to her school and where she worked, she took us to the city pool and out for burgers and tater tots and snow cones and ice cream. She introduced us to all her friends and drove us to main street to the dollar store. We spent all day every day with her and we were never bored. They are some of the happiest memories of my life- driving with her anywhere, sprawled across her bed with our long legs and dirty bare feet tucked under each other- doing nothing and feeling like it was everything.
When I was in 6th grade she lived with us in San Diego and shared a room with me. Again- how someone of college age could put up with sharing space with a sixth grader is beyond me. She worked and then went out at night and then woke up every morning at 6am to style my hair for me in the 80's style with huge pouffy bangs. She did it better than I could and bigger than my mom would so I needed her to do it. She never said no. She got up every day. She took us to our activities and took us to McDonalds and to the fair. She watched us when our parents went out of town. She never acted like a mom to us- she always made everything so fun- she was always like the coolest friend you could ever know.
Julie is gorgeous. She was a bombshell in high school. After she lived with us she left all her dresses that she got for high school dances at our house and when I was 13 I was too big for dresses she wore at 16, 17 and 18 and could probably still wear in her 20s. She was so skinny and so tan. I will always remember how much I wanted to be her in her white bikini. I remember her beautiful gold chain and her love for amethysts. I always thought when I grew up I would save all my money and get her an amethyst ring.
When Julie had her son, my cousin Casey, it was like everything she had- she just shared him with all of us. The way she does everything is inclusive of all those around her and we all just liked to be with her every second doing anything she was doing. So when she was with us with Casey (her husband was in the Navy so we had long visits with her when Casey was little) we spent so much time playing with him and observing him and making him do funny things for our amusement. Seeing Casey (and all her kids)grow through Julie's eyes has forever changed the way I appreciate childhood and young kids. Julie is a great mom. She knows just how much to tease you to make you laugh and stop you before you talk back or act badly. She points out every five minutes all the things she thinks are great and cute and special about you. She is always right down at your level drawing with you, wrestling with you, swinging you, etc. When she teases you, you are embarrassed and mad, but the overwhelming feeling is that you just want to be cool and good in her eyes again. She never lets that embarrassed feeling happen without making you feel loved and accepted again within minutes.
Julie is only 8 years older than me so she was always like the best older sister I could ever have. I thought she was the coolest person in the world. All the things she was into- I got into- music wise, culture wise, etc. When I graduated from college and had my first new car, I drove it to Alabama to spend a few weeks with her. It was the first place I wanted to go when I was done with school. Julie had just had her youngest daughter two weeks before we arrived. She must have been exhausted and recovering and so overwhelmed and we added three people to her household for two weeks! She never acted like it was hard at all. I had no idea then how much she had to do to take care of a new baby, of two other kids getting used to a new baby, her husband and then us! We had such a fun visit and did so much. I still can't believe it. I am in awe of Julie's ability to go with the flow and make us feel loved and welcome against all odds.
Julie worked full time and went to school full time and took care of her family full time to become a nurse. I was in awe of her then when we flew out for her graduation, but now that I have kids myself, I just don't know how she did it. I don't think I will ever be able to put into words how much I admire her. Mostly I admire how she just lives her life in a positive way every day. If she is down, she doesn't get too down. She keeps moving and showing her family love in a thousand different ways. It reminds me a lot of my mom and my grandmother. They all are such strong women, the life force of their families and their family of friends. Nice to everyone, accepting of everyone's flaws.
I could write a book about all our funny memories and all the things I have learned from my aunt. I am so glad she was born 40 years ago. I wish I got to see her more and try to show her in even the smallest fraction of how much she has shown me how much I love her.
Happy Birthday Julie! I love you so so very much.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Stuff to Remember
Overhearing my girls playing in my bed. They are ministering to their stuffed T-Rex that they share and take turns sleeping with in their beds. He is sick and cold and needs covers. Katie says, "I know exactly what you need because I am your mom." Carter says, "Your mom is the person that loves you most of all. I am your mom too because I love you most of all too."
We made chocolate chip cookies together today. It was a tough afternoon that involved a long dramatic tantrum at naptime. They slept a long time and then Katie woke up with storm clouds in her eyes. It was a thunderous goodbye session with David when he had to go to work and the only way I could think to stop the trajectory toward an all out hurricane-force tantrum was to suggest we make cookies. After 30 minutes more of whining and complaining, "But I love you mom, I just love you and I love Daddy and I just don't want him to go to work ever again..." we were in business.
And while the whining continued well into dinner and I completely caved and let them watch a continuous loop of Max and Ruby while they ate so I could pound Cheeze-Its and call a friend in an attempt to avoid chanting like that guy in "The Burbs;" I do want to remember this time in their lives. This time, while they are three and still so compliant that when I told them they could have one cookie for dessert and then I sat in the next room, out of sight, talking to my friend they did not even attempt to take another cookie from the huge pile on the table. I don't think it even crossed their minds.
There will be so many offenses in their lives that I will not be a part of, that I might never find out about, and might never want to. I know that someday as I am trying not to be hurt and worried by those things I will look back on this time with wistfulness and remember when all their anger and emotion was right there in front of me- impossible to contain, impossible to ignore, impossible to not know exactly what they need because I am their mom and I can hear even through the whining how much they love me. And I do love them. Most of all.
We made chocolate chip cookies together today. It was a tough afternoon that involved a long dramatic tantrum at naptime. They slept a long time and then Katie woke up with storm clouds in her eyes. It was a thunderous goodbye session with David when he had to go to work and the only way I could think to stop the trajectory toward an all out hurricane-force tantrum was to suggest we make cookies. After 30 minutes more of whining and complaining, "But I love you mom, I just love you and I love Daddy and I just don't want him to go to work ever again..." we were in business.
And while the whining continued well into dinner and I completely caved and let them watch a continuous loop of Max and Ruby while they ate so I could pound Cheeze-Its and call a friend in an attempt to avoid chanting like that guy in "The Burbs;" I do want to remember this time in their lives. This time, while they are three and still so compliant that when I told them they could have one cookie for dessert and then I sat in the next room, out of sight, talking to my friend they did not even attempt to take another cookie from the huge pile on the table. I don't think it even crossed their minds.
There will be so many offenses in their lives that I will not be a part of, that I might never find out about, and might never want to. I know that someday as I am trying not to be hurt and worried by those things I will look back on this time with wistfulness and remember when all their anger and emotion was right there in front of me- impossible to contain, impossible to ignore, impossible to not know exactly what they need because I am their mom and I can hear even through the whining how much they love me. And I do love them. Most of all.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Get a pillow- you may fall asleep while reading
It has been a while since I posted for various reasons. We have been busy and sick, and exhausted from both of those conditions. Exhaustion leaves me wholly uninspired to write.
There have been funny things my kids have said that I wanted to post, like, "Where in the world is the Snow White dress?" and "That is the scariest thing I have seen in all my life." But now that I write them, they don't seem that funny. You have to imagine little three year old voices saying those things out of nowhere. One other funny thing Carter said when she was going through alphabet sounds, she said "A- A for aa aa appetite." She does come from two parents with healthy appetites, but I don't know where she came up with that. I thought that was so funny when she said that.
My girls are doing all sorts of new things all on their own. They are writing letters of the alphabet- even though they refuse to let me show them how to do it. They just try it on their own, out of my sight and if they make something that resembles a letter, they come and show me and I get more excited than I probably should. They are also drawing with much more coordination and detail. It is so neat to see their art actually looking like something recognizable.
They still isolate themselves. They like to do whatever everyone else is not doing. We have Monday playdates with their classmates at the park and all the other kids play together and mine play with each other far away from the rest of the group. It makes it hard for me to get to talk to the other parents and it makes it hard for them to make friends with the other kids. I am trying not to let this bother me, but I am also hesitant to sign them up for classes and group activities because they never want to do what a group is doing. I want to expose them to new things, but it is difficult. I don't want their isolationist tendencies to hamper their social development. How's that for inventing things to worry about?
The place we are trying to buy passed inspections and we have removed the contingencies from the offer. It looks like it's really going to happen. I am having a hard time sleeping thinking of all the clutter that needs to be gone through and thinned out. With the sicknesses and all our activities nothing seems to be getting done except the creation of a lot of piles that only serve to stress me out. I am trying to do a little each day. Thank goodness we don't move in until after March 16!
Two friends of mine had their babies. Marci and Darren welcomed Hannah and Stephanie and Scott and Annika and Alexis welcomed Soren. It is so exciting to have new babies in the world. I can't wait to hold them and sniff their precious heads.
That's all for now- I need to attack a pile while my girls and my ill husband are napping.
There have been funny things my kids have said that I wanted to post, like, "Where in the world is the Snow White dress?" and "That is the scariest thing I have seen in all my life." But now that I write them, they don't seem that funny. You have to imagine little three year old voices saying those things out of nowhere. One other funny thing Carter said when she was going through alphabet sounds, she said "A- A for aa aa appetite." She does come from two parents with healthy appetites, but I don't know where she came up with that. I thought that was so funny when she said that.
My girls are doing all sorts of new things all on their own. They are writing letters of the alphabet- even though they refuse to let me show them how to do it. They just try it on their own, out of my sight and if they make something that resembles a letter, they come and show me and I get more excited than I probably should. They are also drawing with much more coordination and detail. It is so neat to see their art actually looking like something recognizable.
They still isolate themselves. They like to do whatever everyone else is not doing. We have Monday playdates with their classmates at the park and all the other kids play together and mine play with each other far away from the rest of the group. It makes it hard for me to get to talk to the other parents and it makes it hard for them to make friends with the other kids. I am trying not to let this bother me, but I am also hesitant to sign them up for classes and group activities because they never want to do what a group is doing. I want to expose them to new things, but it is difficult. I don't want their isolationist tendencies to hamper their social development. How's that for inventing things to worry about?
The place we are trying to buy passed inspections and we have removed the contingencies from the offer. It looks like it's really going to happen. I am having a hard time sleeping thinking of all the clutter that needs to be gone through and thinned out. With the sicknesses and all our activities nothing seems to be getting done except the creation of a lot of piles that only serve to stress me out. I am trying to do a little each day. Thank goodness we don't move in until after March 16!
Two friends of mine had their babies. Marci and Darren welcomed Hannah and Stephanie and Scott and Annika and Alexis welcomed Soren. It is so exciting to have new babies in the world. I can't wait to hold them and sniff their precious heads.
That's all for now- I need to attack a pile while my girls and my ill husband are napping.
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