Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Headache Daze

2012 has been a strange year.

I started working part time about 10 hours a week which has been really nice and really interesting in a car accident sort of way. You don't want to look, but you can't not.

I really don't have time or clarity of mind to devote to working, but I really want to be one who can focus on both work and home and all the things in between. So I feel like my life and my responsibilities are piling up like the garbage in Shel Silverstein's "Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take The Garbage Out" poem and my role over the past 4 months has been to dash from one pile to another and catch the item on top that is toppling to the ground and add it to another stack in time to grab the next thing before it falls to the ground.

Not a whole lot besides the most urgent thing is getting done, nothing on the bottom of the piles is being touched, there is not much planning or control over anything. Car accident interesting. Will she be found days later buried under the pile she just couldn't conquer? But I also thrive in these false urgency situations.

The new wild card that has been thrown in in 2012 is the migraines I have been getting more often than ever in my life. I will be going along great, packing it all in, whittling down the piles of to-dos, getting childcare and help to make it happen and then I get knocked down by blinding, crushing migraines.

I had one today and the head pain part only lasted under two hours, but I have been wiped out and dizzy the rest of the day. The pain is at least visceral and makes sense to me. The dizziness and nausea and utter exhaustion is so strange. I feel like I am walking around in a dream. Am I drunk? no. Am I alive? I think so, but I feel like my blood is gelatin and every sensation is thicker, slower, odd.

Luckily my husband was home today and he did all my work for our home/family. I am going to bed early tonight.