Today was a tough day. I will be glad to go to sleep and put this day behind me. This day in which I put the girls in the stroller and walked for an hour and a half with my ipod ear buds in my ears and the volume turned up loud so as to drown out any questions, any whining, arguing, fighting. They fell asleep within 2 minutes of being in the stroller. I listened to my music and moved my body and tried really hard not to cry. The dog got a walk. I got a little break. I needed it.
I wonder if I am failing my kids by staying home with them. I am losing perspective. When David is gone this long and I spend so much time with them alone, I stop appreciating all the little things that make them amazing. I feel like my brain is wasting away and also overtaxed from trying to avoid senseless arguments with irrational three year olds. I need to not over-analyze one awful day. I need to rest.
Hang in there Jes. No matter how it feels in the moment, you are a wonderful mom and those beautiful funny girls are direct proof of that fact. I love you and admire you with all of my being. I'm sending all my good thoughts and energy in your direction.
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