My Aunt Julie

My Aunt Julie turned the big FOUR-OH today and I have been thinking about her all day. My throat is sore and I have not had much time to talk on the phone so I didn't get to call her, but I thought I would attempt the impossible- to put into words how much she means to me.

I will find a picture of us to put up here but until I do I should probably start by describing the pictures I have in my mind when I think about Julie. I think about long skinny brown legs in short 70's and 80's style shorts with cotton tank tops. She grew up in Arizona and Oklahoma, two places with hot summers. She always played outside with me for as long as I wanted when I was little- doing gymnastics in the grass, making mud pies in the side yard of my grandparents' house, roller skating in the driveway, eating popsicles and watermelon in our swimsuits, playing in the sprinklers until our hands and feet were prunes.

I think about how she shared everything with me. I mean everything. When I went to her room, she let me touch and try on and use everything. I remember the posters up on her wall- of Duran Duran and Prince. I remember her lip gloss in a metal tin where the top slid off. I could never do it myself because I already had slick lip gloss on my hands and I always insisted on closing the tin and then she had to help me open it again. I wouldn't be surprised if I asked her to do this 80 times a day and she did it every time for me. I remember her tapes and her boom box and I was always taking out tapes and putting them in. She never told me to leave her stuff alone. She always played me whatever I wanted to hear even if it was the same song over and over. She let me play with all her toys, draw with all her markers, put on all her jewelry, sleep in her bed. I probably ruined everything she ever had and she never got mad at me. She always was looking for new things to share with me and ways to occupy me.

I remember the smell of her lotion and the way her long fingers always grabbed my wrist and forearm tightly. I remember her laugh. Everyone in our family laughs so loud and deep and booming and she does too, but it is the greatest sound. She is so funny and can make everyone around her recite words or phrases that she makes funny with her inflection. Stuff that you just can't explain in written words- you just have to hear the sound for it to be funny. When Julie says it three times everyone around her begins to say it over and over too- and she laughs every time and then says it herself the original most funny way.

Julie moved to Oklahoma when she was a teenager. That must have been really hard for her to move to a tiny town away from all her friends. She was still the same generous selfless person whenever we visited. She was at an age when she probably thought it was so lame to spend a month of her summer with kids 8 and 11 and more years younger than she, but she never made us feel like a burden. She took us to her school and where she worked, she took us to the city pool and out for burgers and tater tots and snow cones and ice cream. She introduced us to all her friends and drove us to main street to the dollar store. We spent all day every day with her and we were never bored. They are some of the happiest memories of my life- driving with her anywhere, sprawled across her bed with our long legs and dirty bare feet tucked under each other- doing nothing and feeling like it was everything.

When I was in 6th grade she lived with us in San Diego and shared a room with me. Again- how someone of college age could put up with sharing space with a sixth grader is beyond me. She worked and then went out at night and then woke up every morning at 6am to style my hair for me in the 80's style with huge pouffy bangs. She did it better than I could and bigger than my mom would so I needed her to do it. She never said no. She got up every day. She took us to our activities and took us to McDonalds and to the fair. She watched us when our parents went out of town. She never acted like a mom to us- she always made everything so fun- she was always like the coolest friend you could ever know.

Julie is gorgeous. She was a bombshell in high school. After she lived with us she left all her dresses that she got for high school dances at our house and when I was 13 I was too big for dresses she wore at 16, 17 and 18 and could probably still wear in her 20s. She was so skinny and so tan. I will always remember how much I wanted to be her in her white bikini. I remember her beautiful gold chain and her love for amethysts. I always thought when I grew up I would save all my money and get her an amethyst ring.

When Julie had her son, my cousin Casey, it was like everything she had- she just shared him with all of us. The way she does everything is inclusive of all those around her and we all just liked to be with her every second doing anything she was doing. So when she was with us with Casey (her husband was in the Navy so we had long visits with her when Casey was little) we spent so much time playing with him and observing him and making him do funny things for our amusement. Seeing Casey (and all her kids)grow through Julie's eyes has forever changed the way I appreciate childhood and young kids. Julie is a great mom. She knows just how much to tease you to make you laugh and stop you before you talk back or act badly. She points out every five minutes all the things she thinks are great and cute and special about you. She is always right down at your level drawing with you, wrestling with you, swinging you, etc. When she teases you, you are embarrassed and mad, but the overwhelming feeling is that you just want to be cool and good in her eyes again. She never lets that embarrassed feeling happen without making you feel loved and accepted again within minutes.

Julie is only 8 years older than me so she was always like the best older sister I could ever have. I thought she was the coolest person in the world. All the things she was into- I got into- music wise, culture wise, etc. When I graduated from college and had my first new car, I drove it to Alabama to spend a few weeks with her. It was the first place I wanted to go when I was done with school. Julie had just had her youngest daughter two weeks before we arrived. She must have been exhausted and recovering and so overwhelmed and we added three people to her household for two weeks! She never acted like it was hard at all. I had no idea then how much she had to do to take care of a new baby, of two other kids getting used to a new baby, her husband and then us! We had such a fun visit and did so much. I still can't believe it. I am in awe of Julie's ability to go with the flow and make us feel loved and welcome against all odds.

Julie worked full time and went to school full time and took care of her family full time to become a nurse. I was in awe of her then when we flew out for her graduation, but now that I have kids myself, I just don't know how she did it. I don't think I will ever be able to put into words how much I admire her. Mostly I admire how she just lives her life in a positive way every day. If she is down, she doesn't get too down. She keeps moving and showing her family love in a thousand different ways. It reminds me a lot of my mom and my grandmother. They all are such strong women, the life force of their families and their family of friends. Nice to everyone, accepting of everyone's flaws.

I could write a book about all our funny memories and all the things I have learned from my aunt. I am so glad she was born 40 years ago. I wish I got to see her more and try to show her in even the smallest fraction of how much she has shown me how much I love her.

Happy Birthday Julie! I love you so so very much.